catsattackyou!

Approved! Send it to print!

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 16:38:00 +0000

This companies marketing dept. should be let go. Im just saying... Not only do you lose a ton of weight in a very short period of time, but it also changes the color of your skin! Michael and Janet Jackson must use this product.

Hell on Earth....

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 05:00:00 +0000

Hell on Earth....

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 05:00:00 +0000

Frylock Spotted!

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 18:55:00 +0000

This is a co-worker returning back to the office from a coffee run. I cannot even begin to describe how fucking funny this was.

For realz.

Harlem Blues and Jazz Band

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 17:23:00 +0000

Short and Sweet. I came across these guys @ one of my old jobs. Not the best of the genre, but far from the worst.

A great little Blues/Jazz/Swing band. Enjoy!

The Harlem Blues and Jazz Band

Shufflepuck and Arkanoid

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:13:00 +0000

I cannot tell you how much I love these two games! So much! Thats how much! I can clearly remember the countless hours spent in Shufflepuck Cafe playing the drunken alien, the whore witch, and the angry general. Its one of my earliest gaming memories, something which I hold dear. I loves me my video games. And then Arkanoid, another all time favorite. Who can say ANYTHING bad about this game!!?? Here are links to download both for PC, as well as a MAC version of Shufflepuck! YAY!

Another fond memory that dates back to the early 90's was of my friend an I typing swear words into the Apple II and having the robot voice speak them back at us. HOURS of fun there.. oh man. Im tempted to do it right now.. if I wasnt at work...

I also remember his mother not finding the computer swearing at her when there was an error, half as funny as we did.

Play: ARKANOID

Play: SHUFFLEPUCK

Play: SHUFFLEPUCK MAC

What now?

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 15:45:00 +0000

Waffles

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 15:34:00 +0000

Had a quick conversation this morning regarding waffles, and how it smells like waffles in my office. A friend noticed his home smelled like waffles this morning as well, and we decided its a national conspiracy concocted by the CIA or some other agency. A devilish plot to drug us with that intoxicating aroma. Agent W.

A hint of Aunt Jemima's was also detected and will be reported on later. Maybe.

I'm sorry... sometimes you just need to say something crazy.

I have this thing called a Shark Rocket...

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 20:32:00 +0000

I was going to type up this whole long thing about this guy that saved his dog from a shark... but I suddenly dont feel well. DAMN YOU OFFICE PEOPLE AND YOUR COLDS!

So anyway, here is a link to the original story. Shark vs. Terrier vs. Greg's Fist

On another note, I recently read Peter Benchley's JAWS... I liked the movie much better. I felt that Benchley spent too much time on some pointless character development, and not enough time on Great Whites eating people. I will say I like some of the end of the book better. Like Quints demise, and what happened to Hooper. I wont spoil it, but im guessing that the movie version had Dreyfus testing well with audiences.. or something like that, so they changed the ending. Dont quote me on that though.

In a quick look on the spelling of Benchley's last name, I discovered that he had actually passed away.

Here is a link to Wiki on him. Enjoy.

RIP Peter Bradford Benchley (May 8, 1940 -11 February 2006)

These People Could Run Our Country.

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 17:06:00 +0000

I came across a great little write up of Katie Couric's interview with McCain and Palin from CBS Evening News. I am linking to the article below, and ill hit on some key points here that will hopefully make you think about how ridiculous these people are. McCain just comes across as an angry old man to me, and Palin... jesus I don't know...

Again, this is just quick. I could go into more detail, and prob. should... but I wont.

1. Couric asked Palin about a statement she made regarding the US launching an offense on Pakistan to "stop the terrorists from coming any further in." . She asked if Palin and McCain were on the same page on this, as McCain had said otherwise during Friday's debate.

Couric: "So, Gov. Palin are you two (she and McCain) on the same page?"

Palin: "...We will do what we have to do to secure the United Sates and her allies,"

Couric: "Is that something you shouldn't say out loud, Sen. McCain?"

McCain :"Of course not," . "But look, I understand this day and age gotcha journalism... Grab a phrase. Gov. Palin and I agree that you don't announce that you're going to attack another country."

Couric to Palin : "Are you sorry you said it?"

McCain: "Wait a minute," "Before you say is she sorry she said it, this was a gotcha sound bite that...

Couric: "It wasn't a gotcha," "She was talking to a voter."

McCain: "No,she was in a conversation with a group of people talking back and forth, and I'll let Gov. Palin speak for herself."

Couric to Palin: (what has she learned) "from that experience," the candidate replied, "That this is all about gotcha journalism...."

Ok, so lets break this down really quick. Palin said something without thinking about it, just threw out some word vomit in the vein of what some people may want to hear to gain some support, and Couric is calling her out on it. It backfired. McCain being the young hipster that he is, denounces Couric, and says that No, this is Gotcha Journalism (if you don't feel like following the link, think of it like leading a witness, or entrapment) which Couric, in my eyes, wasn't doing. She was just reciting verbatim what Palin had said. Calling her out.

The Gotcha Journalism quip that McCain so quickly spouted really gives me a sour taste. I def. don't want to be voting for a person that is going to play games like that. Palin fucking said what she said! It wasn't made up, she said it! Don't try to back track.

I can see where he was going with it, but he was on the wrong page.

2. "This is not the first time I've seen a governor being questioned by some quote expert," he said making quotation marks with his fingers. "I remember that Ronald Reagan was a cowboy. President Clinton was a governor of a very small state that had no experience either. I remember how easy it was going to be for Bush I to defeat him. I still recall, whoops, that one. But the point is that I've seen underestimation before. I'm very proud of the excitement that Gov. Palin has ignited with this party around this country."

"This is not the first time I've seen a governor being questioned by some quote expert"

I fucking hope not! If we don't question our leaders, then we are just sheep. Though.. I have to say we aren't that fucking far off.

" I'm very proud of the excitement that Gov. Palin has ignited with this party around this country.".....

Yes John. She has brought some excitement. And that statement you made proves to me that her addition to the ballot is purely a marketing ploy. Taking advantage of the Hillary votes.

Original Story

Presidential Debate

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 03:51:00 +0000

I only watched a few mins of this tonight. My wife and I found a repeat of Americas Funniest Home Videos to be far more entertaining and informative of our current standing as a nation than most of what the candidates have to say. Either way, however, we are fucked. Awesome.

Wiener Bombs

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 03:10:00 +0000

The Philidelphia Bomb Squad had a busy afternoon blowing up some meat at Citizens Bank Park. "Several" suspicious packages were discovered outside the park near one of the ticket offices and the stadium was temporarily evacuated (except for the players... go figure) while it was determined what the packages were. They turned out to be hot dogs wrapped in foil and duct tape.

"It was clear from when we looked at it at first glance and when you looked at the debris afterwards, there was packaging and duct tape; I don't see many hot dogs sold here with duct tape," Phillies VP of Operations Michael Stiles said. "We just did what we felt was appropriate." (original story/comment)

The bomb squad detonated the offending wieners as a precaution, and the Phillies got spanked for the second night in a row.. losing 10-4 to the Braves.

Dumb Boss: Episode III Christmas Wishes.

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 17:03:00 +0000

"I have attached a memorandum that ___ has written regarding the lasted Massachusetts Legislation (Massachusetts Act Protecting & Preserving Home Ownership). Per ___ this is required reading, no one is to leave the office today until they have read this or they may be terminated.

Merry Christmas Everyone!"

You just cant fucking make this stuff up!

If anyone reading catsattackyou.com has any great moments of stupidity like "Dumb Boss" they can pass along, I would love to post it on here! Feel free to email me, or drop a line in the comments section under each post. Id love to hear from you!

I just threw up a little.... no... a lot..

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 16:02:00 +0000

Ok. Breast milk week here at catsattackyou. This is the 2nd BM story I have come across this week, and I'm only posting about it because a friend mentioned it as well, which proves its disgusting relevance.

Lets start with PETA . The world famous animal rights foundation has asked that Ben and Jerry's replace cow milk with human breast milk in their ice-cream products. The quick and dirty on this, is that they believe that they believe that there are legitimate health issues to take into consideration, for both the human and bovine players. They present a legitimate case, that no one will ever pay attention to. Though.. I am MORE than willing to bet... that this will turn into some really gross and disturbing fad. If this happens, I'm gonna be all soy all the time. Here is a link to an article and PETA's letter to Ben & Jerry's, PETA / Ben & Jerry's.

Also mentioned in both the letter and the article, is yet another bit of news on breast milk being used for adult human consumption.

Hans Locher, the owner of Storchen restaurant in Winterthur Switzerland has posted ads looking for donors who will be paid for their milk. "We have all been raised on it. Why should we not include it into our diet?" Link to article :

I see the points here...but yeah. Personally, I'm all set. Enjoy freaks!

Dumb Boss : Episode II

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 15:33:00 +0000

Another Gem from Captain Stupid. I don't know if I'm legally allowed to post this, but all names and other info has been removdeded.

I have changed nothing else in this email... spelling and capitalization are as they were. Enjoy!

"please forward my message to all the attornets.

"The next attorney that fails to return a client's request within 24 hours will be terminated immediately. I do not care who it is. I am forced to resort to teeminating the employment of one of my attornets before I get terminated"

With regard to this issue, I want this updated asap and I want a complete explanation of what happened. I have asked and begged for you guys to update the client. If you are not goong to do it I will find someome who will."

Palin Babies

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 15:19:00 +0000

Another email Forwarded from a friend. Sorry for the lack of posts lately! Ill try to make up for it over the next few weeks.

Dear Friends:

We may have thought we wanted a woman on a national political ticket,
but the joke has really been on us, hasn't it? Are you as sick in
your stomach as I am at the thought of Sarah Palin as Vice President
of the United States?

Since Palin gave her speech accepting the Republican nomination for
the Vice Presidency, Barack Obama's campaign has raised over $10
million dollars. Some of you may already be supporting the Obama
campaign financially; others of you may still be a little over the
primaries. None of you, however, can be happy with Palin's selection,
especially on her positions on women's issues. So, if you feel you
can't support the Obama campaign financially, may I suggest the
following fiendishly brilliant alternative?

Make a donation to Planned Parenthood. In Sarah Palin's name. And
here's the good part: when you make a donation to PP in her name,
they'll send her a card telling her that the donation has been made in
her honor. Here's the link to the Planned Parenthood website:

http://www.plannededparenthood.org

You'll need to fill in the address to let PP know where to send the
'in Sarah Palin's honor' card. I suggest you use the address for the
McCain campaign headquarters, which is:

McCain for President
1235 S. Clark Street
1st Floor
Arlington, VA 22202

Feel free to send this along to all your women friends and urge them
to do the same.

Note: if you want to send it to Sarah Palin % Republican National
Committee the address is 310 First St. SE, Washington, DC 20003

Dumb Boss

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 15:16:00 +0000

Please read the very important memo from a friend of mine's previous employer.

Note that this person runs a Law Practice...

1st Email

"I am working on a number of improtant matter this morning inclunding an office memo. Please hold all calls and questions unless it is an emergency."

2nd Email

"It was suppose to say "important matters" and "including". It early."

He should have just written something like...

"You no bother! I do important work things all by self. QUIET TIME NOW!"

Bullshit Detector

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 05:06:00 +0000

Mall of the Americas in Miami

From Central Florida 13 News
"DEA agents found a hydroponics lab with more than 200 marijuana plants, standing 3 to 6 feet tall in the air and worth millions of dollars, in a storage area on the second floor of the mall."

First of all, that took balls. To grow that much Marijuana (which we all know is illegal!! HA!) in a public place... wow. Second, I hate reading bullshit in published material. "worth millions of dollars"? OK. The average idiot would buy that story... but then... Oh look! I have found another segment ON THE SAME NETWORK that has this to say about another find in April of this year.

ALSO... from Central Florida 13 News
"LAKE COUNTY -- Deputies busted what they called the largest and most sophisticated marijuana growing operations they've ever seen."
"Inside investigators said they found an estimated 2,000 pot plants, with a street value of at least $2 million."

How do 200 plants become worth millions of dollars, when 2000 plants is worth an estimated $2 million? Last I checked 2000 is more than 200. But correct me if I am wrong.

I am just using this story as an example. It is important to not base your decisions on one source of information. If you read something, and think its bullshit, then look into it more (Google) and find multiple sources to make your own assessment.
--
Reliable information —
"Cannot be divined.
Cannot be drawn from experience.
Cannot be deduced through analysis.
Reliable information can only be gained from people with direct knowledge."
Sun Tzu

Google's magnetic cows

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 01:38:00 +0000

I love Google. I really do. As big brother as they kinda are.. I still love them. Here was an interesting bit I found this evening and wanted to share. Apparently cows may have some sort of magnetic sense that causes them to stand in a N/S facing direction sometimes. I do that too. Sometimes. Another interesting myth/old wives tale/factoid (which you should know already.. but let me remind you like "That Guy"), is that cows sometimes lay down when it is going to rain. This isnt proven, but I have noticed it before (having grown up across the street from a farm). I just read that this could be caused by the barometric pressure causing the cows stomachs to be upset causing them to lie down. Weird. Moving on... here is why I am posting!

"German scientists using satellite images posted online by the Google Earth software program have observed something that has escaped the notice of farmers, herders and hunters for thousands of years: Cattle grazing or at rest tend to orient their bodies in a north-south direction just like a compass needle.

Studying photographs of 8,510 cattle in 308 herds from around the world, zoologists Sabine Begall and Hynek Burda of the University of Duisburg-Essen and their colleagues found that two out of every three animals in the pictures were oriented in a direction roughly pointing to magnetic north."

Click here for the rest of the article! Click here for the official release (also noted in article) from PNAS (hehe...PNAS... oh god it's like I'm 15)

"There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." Drew Carey

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 19:59:00 +0000

Another good Carey quote, that I am unable to find online was something along the lines of "If you need a game to enjoy drinking, then you shouldn't be drinking". It was from a stand up performance that Comedy Central plays occasionally.

The reason I bring this up is a recent TIME magazine article (see here) that references the current war on Beirut (AKA Beer Pong). This is the one and ONLY drinking game I ever enjoyed. It actually takes some skill, sober or not, and it's fun to play. I can definitely understand why college campuses or towns might want to put a cap on the game for safety or noise violation reasons.. but come on.

I ALSO find it interesting that this comes up as many colleges and some states (VT) are looking to lower the drinking age to 18 again. I personally think this could go either way... I see the dangers, and the possible benefits of this. In reality... kids are going to drink whether or not they are told they can or cant. But I bet its more likely they will drink MORE if they are told that they cannot. Think about these same kids showing up to college, away from their parents for the first times... free to do whatever they want. Yeah. Drunk. MIT is a great example of this.

Anyway, thought the article might be fun for some of you to read. Enjoy.

Cooking with the OSS

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 18:23:00 +0000

I remember watching a lot of Julia Child's cooking show when I was growing up. I think it was on PBS, along with other fav's Mr. Rogers, Reading Rainbow, and Romper Room (not to put those shows in the same category).

Before becoming the Chef that we know and love Julia was working for the United States Government's pre-CIA intelligence agency called OSS (Office of Strategic Services). Who knew that the same woman I was watching cook fantastic chicken and fish dishes once also worked for the US Government as a spy?

In the 1940's during WWII, Julia was assigned to create a shark repellent to coat the mines that the Navy planted for the German U-Boats. The curious sharks would bump into the mines setting them off, and in turn alerting the Germans as to the whereabouts of the explosives!

I know this isnt "new" news, but it's interesting nonetheless!

"So... Julia Child and a few of her male compatriots got together and literally cooked up a shark repellent," that was used to coat the explosives, McCarthy says.

MEGA HANDHELD PARTY TIME! WHOOOO!

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 14:36:00 +0000

Ok its not really THAT exciting. Its like a mini game gear, that plays Genesis games. I dont remember how I just found this... but yeah. Its interesting! We have some solid greats here, like Sonic, ECCO, and my Fav's Golden Axe and Altered Beast. Check it out!

Im a horrible person, and now.. you will be too.

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 20:00:00 +0000

Ok, this is horrible to laugh at, but this is so fucking funny its stupid. I will be spending the rest of my evening checking these videos out. NOT WORK SAFE!
Tourettes Guy

On a side note. I was in the grocery store a few weeks ago and there was a girl prob. in her mid 20's that had a horrible case of Tourettes. She walked into the store, and then had such a bad fit from the disease, that she literally had to walk right through to the other end of the store and back outside without buying ANYTHING. Everyone was staring at her as she barked out random words/sounds and the occasional swear (im assuming that was more out of frustration), and she looked so upset. It must be really hard to live on your own with a disease like that, where you cant control (in some cases) what you say or do. Do yourself a favor and think twice when you see something like that, and instead of just staring or laughing, offer the person some help.

On another note (unrelated) I went to Ace Hardware the other day to find a part for an electric cart that I had broken. They didnt have it, so the employee took it home and fixed it for me! For Free! Thanks nice Ace Hardware guy!

An Extraordinary Nutsack

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 19:35:00 +0000

Holy funny Batman! We were sitting in the kitchen yesterday afternoon when this fantastic commercial came on!
Def. caught us off guard! I will post the actual video later (as well as a couple of my other most fav. commercials) but for now, here is the link!

Nutsack Commercial!

since we are on the topic of movies

catsattackyou@gmail.com (60cyclehum) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 14:22:00 +0000

I read another great Web Comic called Multiplex by Gordon McAlpin on the Internet (thats the thing with the email... right?). Gordon also has a wonderful little News blog with some kickass (legit!) info on upcoming films called Movie Make Out. When you are done checking out Multiplex and M-MO, take a moment and watch the trailer for THE NEW TERMINATOR FILM! I am excited for two reasons.... one.. because I love the terminator films, and two because Christian Bale is John Connor. I think he is one of the best actors on the scene right now, and this could wash out the awful aftertaste of that last piece of shit T3.
Enjoy Terminator :Salvation